It’s Cop Talk Live!

September 27, 2006 | Karin's Blog | 9 comments

Hi Officer Friendly, I read about so many woman being killed by their abusers when they finally get up the nerve to leave them. It doesn’t seem that there’s anything they can do, except leave the state and live under an assumed name. What are any effective steps you think a woman should take? Besides killing him first.

Domestic Violence occurs among all ages, genders, races, religions, educational backgrounds, and socioeconomic groups. The actual act occurs when a family member, any family member, partner or ex-partner, attempts to physically or psychologically dominate or harm another. In most states, for the act to be a crime, a visible injury must be present. It is estimated that 2 to 4 million women are victims of Domestic Violence every year. 2000 of these assaults will result in death.

Taken from the California Penal Code: Any person who willfully inflicts upon a person who is his or her spouse, former spouse, cohabitant, former cohabitant, or the mother or father of his or her child, corporal injury resulting in a traumatic condition, is guilty of a felony.
As used in this section, “traumatic condition” means a condition of the body, such as a wound or external or internal injury, whether of a minor or serious nature, caused by a physical force.

My recommendation is to leave any abusive relationship. When the decision is made, call the police for a civil standby so that you can be protected, while making your exit. If an act of violence has occurred, call the police and let them do their job. Ask for an emergency protective order. This will legally prohibit the offender from contacting you for a period of time, usually one week. Apply to the court for a permanent restraining order. Take what you need, take what you can get, and go. Staying in an abusive relationship only propagates the problem. Children who grow up in abusive homes grow up to be abusers or abused themselves. There are lots of agencies and groups ready to help. No one need stay in an abusive relationship or live out of their car to escape one.

The National Domestic Violence Hotline number is (800) 799-7233, or for hearing impaired, (800) 787-3224 (TTY).

Thank you Officer Friendly!

Two reminders. First: If you have a question for Officer Friendly please emial me at

Second: The Scent-u-ous contest began yesterday, be sure to check the previous post for scooby.

Have a great day everyone!



  1. Amanda

    Thank you Officer Friendly. I’ve had many friends who believed they couldn’t leave an abusive relationship because they would be homeless. Everyone needs to know any place they end up is better than dead.

  2. Karin

    So right, Amanda. There are shelters everywhere. But how terrifying?

    I have a question,Osifer, I mean Officer. Just how effective are restrainig orders? And do cops take them seriously? I mean if I had a restraining order agisnt my husband and he showed up at my house and I called 9-1-1, would dispatch shrug it off or would the troops stop writing tickets and show up asap and arrest his ass?

  3. Edie Ramer

    Thanks, Officer Friendly. It seems like a lot of women are killed by husbands or ex-boyfriends who have restraining orders. This isn’t something I’ve been through. but I read about it all the time. I feel sorry for the women. Many of them never feel safe, and for a good reason.

  4. Karin

    I think, Edie, and OF correct me if I’m wrong, many women don’t call the cops when the bad guy breaks the order. Because of that, I was wondering how serious cops take the order (see my earlier question). The cycle of violence is so ingrained, I think many women are afraid to call the cops and have the order enforced. I wish they could just put the bastards in jail and throw away the key.

  5. Lee

    Hi Officer Friendly,

    If I might add something about the Domestic Violence. If the husband/boyfriend, whoever it might be, is convicted, and spends time in jail. Many counties now have the “Vien system”. Which means the victim will be notified by a automated phone system, several hours in advance of the abusers release from custody.

  6. Karin

    Interesting, Lee thanks for added info. I have a question regarding this. Let’s say there was a restraining order against the hubby who is in jail, but he’s there because he was convicted of something else. Will the spouse still be notified before his release or is it only if he was jailed because of assualting his spouse and or violation of restraining order?

  7. Theresa

    Thanks for the information Officer Friendly.

    and great questions, Karin. I’m curious about the answers myself.

  8. Officer Friendly

    The Cycle of Violence begins with a violent episode. After, the abuser will make apologies and promises that it will never happen again. The abuser might even buy flowers or take the victim out to dinner. This is followed by a calming period which ends when the next violent episode occurs and thus the “cycle” begins again.

    A restraining order is only a tool. It is not a weapon or a magical way of keeping abusers away. A restraining order is like a law, issued by a judge, that says if it is violated, the violator goes to jail. If it can be proven that the restrained party violated the order, he will be arrested and prosecuted for this crime. The police take these orders very seriously. The problem is that the violator will make promises and apologies to the victim (cycle of violence) and the victim will ask that the order be rescinded or allow the abuser back in. What most victims don’t realize is that by doing this, they have violated the order themselves.

    The “Vien System” only applies in cases of domestic violence, as far as I know. Unfortunately, there have been cases where this system failed, the abuser returned, and the victim was killed. Like the restraining order, these tools are only as good as the people using them.

    Again, if you are in an abusive relationship, get out. If you have gotten out and the abuser is harassing you, get a restraining order. If the abuser violates the order, call the police. No one should ever have to live in fear, especially from someone they love. Human beings are not punching bags, and should never be treated like one.

  9. Lee

    Hi Karin,

    No the victim will only be notified if he was convicted for the Domestic and serving time for it. When he’s released and if he shows up on her door step and there is a restraining order in place, back to jail he goes. If she calls the police. If while in custody the victim reports the abuser is calling and threatening her and she files a complaint against him. Than again the system will notify her of his release, even if he is serving time on another matter.
    This system is a good one if the victim keeps the restraining order up, and notifies the PD he’s being released and she’s in fear of her life. So many victims have a short memory and forgive and forget only to become a murder statistic.

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