Double-edged sword

May 6, 2007 | Karin's Blog | 24 comments

So now that hubby is an NCAA assistant football coach, a dream job with a most excellent private college, a job he so deserves, a job he loves, a job that affords him a few little perks like this weekend attending and being a part of the Forty-Niners’mini camp, a job that will allow him several opportunities to watch his youngest son play under the Friday Night Lights (unless hubby’s team has an out of town game, of which there are a couple) a job where he will learn much, has one teensy weensy draw back.


I have become so accustomed to him being here and us doing most everything together that the thought of sharing him bugs me. A lot. A whole lot. Now, I’m not a selfish girl. When he wanted to be a cop, I was almost cool with it. I knew he’d be great at the job. I knew there would be concessions and sacrifices on both our ends. Raising four children with him working crazy shifts and me launching a business, wasn’t easy. Many times we just said hello as we raced past each other going in opposite directions. There were days on end when the kids knew daddy was home, but because he slept during the day and was gone before they got home from school they didn’t see him. There were many, many days when he coached ours son’s Little League team’s where he didn’t seep for two days because if he did he would not be able to be out on the field. Those were his cranky days. Some say he’s still cranky but what that is, is his intolerance for inconsiderate, assholes. He has no patience for liars, and excuse makers. Poor guy, the world is full of them. I tell him to just ignore it, but his sense of right and wrong is so ingrained, such a strong part of his fabric he can’t. But I digress.

I would never begrudge my husband his bliss, and his bliss is coaching. He loves it. He’s good at it and his kids respond to him. One of the duties he has been charged with in his new coaching role is recruiting. I listened to him chat with a few recruits the other night. His excitement is infectious. He was able to get two to commit on the phone. His enthusiasm is contagious, and while I am very, very happy for him, I keep feeling a little left out. Maybe like he does when I’m up in my office pounding away on the keyboard breathing life into characters. But at least I’m just upstairs…

Okay, Karin needs to get a life, a life during the time her globetrotting coach husband is out talking X’s and O’s and hanging out with the Pro’s.


I guess this means I’ll be turning in books well ahead of deadline. Not a bad thing. Or maybe I’ll be going to a lot of Saturday college football games.

What about you? Do you miss your significant other when they’re gone or do you rub your hands in anticipation for some alone time? (And I would be lying if I said I don’t enjoy my alone time. I love it when the house is quiet and completely mine and I know I only have myself and my dogs and cat to attend to).





  1. Cele

    I’m sure Mr. Hubby is feeling pretty special at the moment. He’s got his dream job and a wife who misses him when he’s gone…after four kids and how many years of marriage. That if special.

    I’m on marriage three, and if I put all three of mine together I might be able to count close to the years you two have collected. I am jealous. My husband is gone a minimum two days a week because his commute is so long. I teach one day a week at night, and it’s a night he’s home. He falls asleep by 8:15 in his chair and leaves home at 4am to go to work. I am on the computer until 11 or midnight and don’t get home from work until 6:30 or 7pm. Despite or because of all that we are home bodies. When he’s not at home I relish my quiet, but at am sorely missing him at the same time. Our time apart makes our time together sweeter.

  2. Amanda

    Congrats to the hubby. You are writing, he is coaching…enjoy the fruits of your labors. You guys are doing great.

    I enjoy my alone time alot, but too much and I really miss the hubby. We do everything together, when we are together. I would miss that too.

  3. Kristi

    Congrats to the hubby! That is wonderful news… but I know exactly what you mean. The DH and I get to spend a LOT of time together during the summers, but once school starts he’s in broadcasting mode – it’s football with a little volleyball thrown in…straight into basketball and then baseball… So we see each other in passing as he’s preparing for games and then broadcasting them. And coaching is so much more involved than broadcasting. I feel for ya!
    I enjoy the time the first couple of weeks and then I just want him around. But I do get a lot more accomplished during sports season that I do non-sports season. 🙂

  4. Karin

    Hey third time is the charm right, Cele? 🙂 Ducky sounds like a keeper.

    Amanda, you have a crazy household you *need* your time away!

  5. Karin

    Kristi, I forgot your guy is the announcer. How exciting.

  6. LaDonna

    Karin, I wish I had more time with my hubby. He’s always worked retail (fishing, hunting/boating) and weekends are busiest. Now that he has his own store, it’s crazier. lol. We have Tuesdays together, and alternate Sundays…some times it works out that way. And during the summer, we try and hit the lake whenever we can.

    And it does sounds like a great opportunity! Good luck with the transition too. It’s harder because you’ve had him around for a while now. I’d miss that too.

  7. dulcie

    My husband is gone an average of 1 week out of every 6. I refer to that time as my ‘husband vacation’. Since I have 4 kids, it’s not as much of a vacation as it used to be…but I do love being able to sleep sprawled out in the middle of the bed.

  8. Karin

    LaDonna, it is hard whenyu run your own biz to take time off, especially in retail. I bet you cherish your time at the lake.

    Dulcie, don’t tell anyone, but the minute hubby gets out of bed I’m sprawled in the middle too. Love it!

  9. B.E. Sanderson

    Like Cele, I enjoy my alone time, but I also miss the heck out of my husband when he’s not around. Lucky for me, he works a half-mile away and comes home for lunch almost everyday. =o) I’ve never had to go without seeing him for longer than about 18 hours, and in three years we’ve never slept apart. I’m pretty spoiled now that I think about it.

    Congrats to your husband, Karin. It sounds like a dream job for him.

  10. Michelle

    When DH is away, I do really miss him, especially because the kids are so small, and THEY really miss him. We spent a lot of years early in our marriage apart, because of our work committments, and we are independant enough to be fine with that, but we’ve never enjoyed it.

    Once again, congrats to Gary, Karin, he’s obviously in his dream job.

  11. HollyD

    This weekend my husband and I will celebrate our 17th wedding anniversary. He is gone a lot. He works retail and is in the Army Reserves. He served 9 months in Iraq and could go back. We have 5 kids, 2 w/ special needs. When he is gone, I definately miss him. The kids really miss him.

    Congrats to your hubby, Karin. You both sound very blessed.

  12. Karin

    B.E. I’m spoiled too. How nice we like our hubbies so much they don’t bug us. 🙂

    Michelle, I remember the days with little ones. It’s amazing what I did. I hauled those four kids around with me everywhere. It was back in those days I would have killed for a solo vacation. The dream of not having to wipe a nose or make a lunch for just one day…pure bliss

  13. Karin

    Holly, I have told you, you’re my new heroine haven’t I?

  14. Mary

    BIG CONGRATS!!!!! To hubby. As you know I work with my BH so I see him 24/7 and I relish the time when I am alone!!!

  15. Liz Kreger

    Wonderful to hear that your hubby has his dream job, Karin. Can’t wait for his team to play Wisconsin. Edie and I are already planning a roadtrip. LOL.

    I enjoy my time alone. Now, if I can get John to take the little darlin’ more often … They need more time together. She spends too much time with mommy. John works at the D.A.’s office and its a very stressful job. Unfortunately he often brings his mood home with him. We’ve had a few “talks” regarding that and I think he’s finally learned to leave it at the office.

  16. Hubby

    Liz – we will be at Wisconsin-Stout, Menomonie, WI, on Friday, August 31st. Kick off is 6 PM. Go Menlo Oaks!

  17. Liz Lipperman

    First off, a big congratulations to hubby for his dream job along with a “be careful what you wish for”. lol. As to his ingrained sense of right and wrong, I’d call that integrity and say kudos to his parents for doing a good job and to you for finding a guy like him.

    My dh and I were high-school sweethearts and have been married for 38 years. He has a mandatory retirement coming up in June from a job he loves. A job that kept him out of town 3-4 days a week. Before that, he was military and gone quite a bit. Basically, I raised the kids and took care of everything. Anyone who hasn’t lived like that can’t imagine what it’s like to have him home for longer than a week at a time. In fairness, I have to admit, after about two weeks, I hate to see him leave again.

    Well, his employer just offered him a consulting job after he retires. At first, I got on my knees and thanked the good Lord, but as his retirement approaches, I’m re-thinking that.

    Moral of this story – Be careful what you wish for!!

    Again congrats to Hubby.

  18. spyscribbler

    A timely topic! I hear you.

    DH and I are pretty much together 24/7, running the same business. He even hangs out with me when I write. Maybe it’s different, but we’re happy!

    But this summer, he might go away for another job for a few months. *sigh* I miss him, sometimes, when he’s actually here! If he’s gone? Ugh.

    I think I’ve had the house to myself once or twice in the last year or two, LOL. That might be nice!

  19. Karin

    Liz, high school sweethearts? So romantic. And congrats on the 38 years. I have some catching up to do.
    My folks were high school sweethearts too. They married very young and are still together 51 years later. Hubby’s parents too. 52 years and still going strong. The really fab thing about my folks and in-laws? after all those years together they still like each other!

  20. Karin

    Spy, I feel like sometimes hubby and I work together. My sil and brother do as well, and they manage, but, well she likes her alone time. Of course I’d want my time away from my butt head brother too! Ducking…

  21. Mary

    You know it GF!!!!!

  22. Allison Brennan

    My hubby and I used to work together in the Capitol. Same office, different departments, but still together. We ate lunch together. Commuted together (when we could) and I’m glad we don’t anymore. We got along well, but there was nothing to share at night. Nothing to talk because we talked all day. We’re friends, and I’m very happy about that–we like a lot of the same things and have fun together. But I’m independent and I like my time alone, I like working alone. I like it when he goes away for a few days because then the time we have together is more exciting. Maybe I’m just weird.

  23. Edie Ramer

    Karin, it’s awesome that both you and your hubby have your dream jobs. 🙂

    My hubby and I aren’t apart much, but I’m in my office a lot and he’s not. For me, writing is a solitary activity, but if I’m wriitng at night, I will come down and visit him, or he’ll come up and visit me. If he went somewhere for a short time, I’d be fine with it. If it were longer, I’d miss him.

  24. Amie Stuart

    Congrats to the hubster!!! I’ve been divorced 3x longer than i was married so my SO’s are 11 and 13 and (much as Love them) I treasure every second they’re gone.

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