January 16, 2009 | Karin's Blog | 21 comments


It’s been a busy week.  It’s been a quiet week, and it’s been a very sad week.


Busy because I have been working hard on my copy edits for MASTER OF CRAVING, quiet because for the most part the family has left me alone to work, and very sad because a friend of mine lost her husband Tuesday to cancer.  A relatively short battle, but a hard fought one.  He was 51, and up until his diagnosis after a routine check this time last year, he was healthy as any man could hope to be.  He was a good, quiet, gentle man. He leaves behind four children all under the age of 16 and his childhood sweetheart and wife of 25 years. 


I am sad for my friend, sad for the children, and just, sad. There is no negotiating death.  It’s so final.  There is nothing we can do to prevent it.  It comes sooner or later.  I’m not afraid of dying.  But I’m afraid of losing my loved ones closets to me.  I’m afraid of the soul-shattering grief my friend is experiencing right now.  I’m afraid of waking up to find my life mate gone-forever.  How do you carry on when a vital part of you is gone?  How do you get out of bed each morning and embrace the life you still live?  I suppose, as with everything, time is the answer. When my friend broke down the other day, and apologized I almost smacked her!  I told her to let it out as long and as loud as she needed to, that I wasn’t going anywhere.  When after awhile she dried her tears and looked at me, my heart just stopped.  I felt her pain, it radiated with such a force, I saw it, smelled it, yet I could not even comprehend understanding the depth of her loss.  It scares me. I felt, completely and utterly useless, and I almost smiled.  Cause there I was making it about me!  And it so isn’t.  I realized after I left, my value to my friend was just being there for her.  In the end, it’s all any of us can do.


I came home emotionally drained, kissed my husband on the cheek, told him I loved him, hugged my son, then went upstairs and cried.  I slept most of last night away, and this morning, my first thoughts when I woke were of my friend, and my heart ached again because I knew she was not waking up with her husband beside her.


In someone else’s grief, my love and appreciation for my family has been reaffirmed, and while we always tell each other, every day we love each other, and we are a very huggy-kissy family, for me, I will not only continue to tell my family how important they are to me, but will show it in small intimate ways.  Because, maybe tomorrow, I won’t have the chance.


My heartfelt condolences go out to those of you who have loved and lost someone near and dear to you.





  1. Jennifer McKenzie

    that breaks my heart, Karin. I’m so sorry for your friend and her family.

  2. Cindy

    My heart aches for your friend…

  3. Randy

    Aw, Karin. So, so, sorry. My best friend lost her husband to a brief battle with cancer on Christmas day. Words don’t exist to describe that kind of pain. My condolences to you and your friend and her family.

  4. J. Carson Black

    I’m so sorry, Karin. I can’t imagine what your friend is going through, and of course I don’t want to. It reminds me, too, to hug my loved ones closer and prize them for the wonder they’ve caused in my life.

    Please extend to her my condolences.


  5. Emma Petersen

    A friend who will hold you together when you feel like you’re going to shatter is worth their weight in gold. Thank goodness you have each other.


  6. Edie

    Karin, sometimes there are no words. All we can do is be there, and that’s what you were. Your friend is lucky to have you. I know you were 100% there for her.

  7. Suzanne

    Hi Karin,
    Well that certainly brought a gush of tears to my eyes. I’m so sorry for your friends loss, and the pain you are carrying.

    When we die we take that love with us, in the hope of being re-united at a later time.


  8. Sandy

    Please accept my deepest sympathies. Losing someone is never easy. My husband lost his mother, grandmother and uncle in 2008, and I lost my mother as well. All died of cancer.

    My thoughts and prayers are with you and your friend.


  9. HollyD

    I am terribly sorry for your friend’s loss. There are truly no words for a situation like this. Offering a shoulder to cry on and an ear to listen are the best things we can do for someone suffering a tragic loss. She is blessed to have you there for her.

  10. Cele

    Karin, with affirming and sharing your love everyday you at least know that you took every opportunity you had to communicate to those you love and will not have the regrets that many have when they did nothing everyday of their relationships. Letting your friend’s pain spur or reaffirm your actions in your life means that you are reading the signs in front of you. And it isn’t in vain.

    My heart goes out to your friend, I pray that she takes every moment to hold him in her heart and remember that he’s always with her. Please remind me of those words someday.

  11. Lis'Anne Harris

    Dear Karin, My heart aches for you and your friend. I’m taking your eloquent words to heart and making those long-overdue calls to family and friends because you never know what could happen in the next minute, day, or week. I’m so glad I give my husband and children squenches every time they walk into the room. Thank you for sharing.

    Cyber hugs,

  12. LaDonna

    Karin, so sorry for your friend’s loss and the pain you carry inside. It brings home how precious the people around us are, as you so beautifully said.

    My family is a huggy/kissy group also. It’s just important those people you love know it. Please take care of you while helping your friend. I’ll send warm light her way.

  13. Amanda Murphy

    Karin, I’m sitting here crying feeling your pain for your friend’s pain. I’m so thankful to know you are a friend like that to everyone who knows you. Your strength gives strength to others.

  14. Karin Tabke

    Thanks everyone. I have to tell you all, I always know when I’m feeling low I can come here and you all will here to offer a kind word, or a snarky one or two, or make me laugh. 😉 Isn’t it odd that most of us have not met face to face, will never meet face to face or even talk on the phone but we’re connected because we met here or maybe at another blog? The internet is crazy wonderful.

  15. Donna Kowalczyk

    I am just so sorry for your friend, Karin. I can’t even imagine…the thought of what she must be going through breaks my heart. 🙁

  16. Karen Duvall

    How heartbreaking. News like this just makes you appreciate what you have even more. Life is fragile, precious, and affects more than just the one living it. Be well!

  17. Sylvia Rochester

    I’m so sorry, Karin. It’s a heart thing, not a word thing. Your grieving with her is a measure of your love.

  18. Marion Gillespie

    I’m very sorry for your friend’s loss and your pain. Prayers are with all.

  19. Karin Tabke

    We buried my friends’s husband today, and I need a nap. I’ll post round six in a couple of hours.

  20. KyAnn

    I have found sleep is a comfort during grief. But I know that when you wake the pain is still there. sometimes getting through the day awake is too much and that will be when your friend needs you most.

  21. J. Carson Black

    I’m sending you and your friend and your families good thoughts today, Karin.

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