And heeeeeeeerrrrzzzzz, Jody!
Thanks, Karin, for letting me ‘guest-blog.’ Karin and I go way back. Well, no we don’t â€“ but we will some day. We met in the blogosphere via our mutual friend, Margaret (Margaret and I DO go way back). Karin made the mistake of responding to one of my emails, and now she can’t get rid of me. I’m pretty sure she thinks that letting me guest-blog will get me to leave her alone for awhile. It won’t. I’m just sayin’.
I’m single and call the San Francisco Bay Area home. Actually, I don’t live too far from Karin, which makes stalking her totally do-able. I’m an artist, graphic designer, cartoonist, writer, web developer, horseback riding instructor, …..I basically never decided what I wanted to be when I grew up. If you like a good dose of snark in your day, visit my blog: http://seinblogjlw.blogspot.com/. Most of my humorous artwork is directed at fellow horse enthusiasts, and you can take a look at it on my online store: http://www.cafepress.com/jlwdesigns. I’m also developing a comic strip (http://www.sfredhead.com/macandjill.html) that I hope to syndicate (yeah, and I hope Tom Selleck leaves his wife for me, too) and try to work in some graphic design and web design projects to pay those pesky bills.
But enough about me.
Lately I’ve become fascinated with the whole concept of writing ‘queries.’ I have had individual works published, but the Road to Publication for the humorous essay is quite different than for a novel. There’s a real talent to capturing the essence of a story in a two or three paragraphs query. I wondered if it was something I could even do. But I didn’t want to have to write a whole novel to find out.
Thus was born the Query your Day contest. The rules are simple: take a typical day in your life and turn it into a compelling query. Is your life a romance? A mystery? A crime? A fantasy? Give it any sort of spin you’d like. Think of it as a writing exercise that will let us learn a bit more about each other and be entertaining to boot.
Two lucky winners (one randomly drawn, one I select as my personal favorite) can pick the item of their choice featuring the “My Life: Stranger than Fiction” design, here: http://www.cafepress.com/jlwdesigns/6823909 . So….let’s hear about your life! Just post your query entry as a comment to this blog. Don’t obsess over it. Just have FUN.
Since I don’t believe in asking anybody to do anything I wouldn’t do myself, I’ll go first:
Introverted, menopausal redhead Jody Werner has finally arranged her life exactly the way she likes it: simple and drama-free. She works at home doing the artwork she loves, has a cute little studio in a blissfully quiet neighborhood and gets to spend the glorious California summer afternoons at the barn with the horses. The cherry on top of the sundae that is her life: she has the freedom to nap anytime she wants. Ah, life is good.
She’s looking forward to another blessedly uneventful day in her “I-refuse-to-turn-on-the-tv-and-hear-any-bad-news” paradise….until the phone call from the mysterious entity known only as The Banker.
The Banker tells her that before her loan application can be accepted, she has to come up with two years back tax returns. Oh no! That means a journey into the black hole that is her filing system; the swirling, bottomless abyss into which paperwork disappears, never to resurface.
Aided by The Ladder (which creaks and wobbles the higher she climbs) and The Flashlight (which takes sick pleasure in randomly blinking in and out of usefulness) she embarks upon the treacherous journey into The Attic in search of The Box.
But finding The Box is not enough. Working against time, she must assemble two years of back tax returns in the proper order AND find a logical explanation for the decided dip in income for 2007. There is only one way to summon this kind of creativity on short notice: she must sacrifice herself at the altar of chocolate and caffeine.
With a solution (and chocolate-smeared tax returns) in hand she hurries out the door only to discover that her car has a flat tire! While waiting for the roadside assistance people, she gets a call from the barn. Her horse has lost a shoe! Now she has to get the flat fixed, deliver the tax returns to The Banker, locate her farrier and still find a way to get in her afternoon nap. Will she make it, or will the universe add insult to injury by extracting the ultimate price of unplanned expenditures AND sleep deprivation?
I am seeking validation for the non-fictional masterpiece that is my life. Jody’s Day is a complete waste of your time at 75,000 words. I’d be happy to submit the full manuscript for your consideration, provided you give me ample time to find it in The Box.
Thank you Jody! So here’s the deal, 10 queries a day for the next week, no more than 200 words, in the comment section. Jody picks her winners, I’m going to pick a few myself.
Let the fun begin!